When the going gets tough, stop the going!

One thing my mentor taught me early on in motherhood was this: Stop all the going.

You see, I was in a dangerous pattern of going. Going to play dates. Going to the library preschool reading time. Going shopping. Going to the park. You know what that entails as a mom. Get everyone, including yourself, dressed. Pack the diaper bag. Go through the mental checklist... Do I have the snacks? Do I have the stroller? Do I have my purse? Do I have extra changes of clothes for the kids? Do I have the diaper bag? Get in the car and drive.

Then inevitably, this is what would happen. We would arrive at our destination, slightly frazzled from all the preparation of leaving. Then came the task of expecting my kids to rise to the occasion. If it was library reading time, they needed to stay quiet. If it was a play date, they needed to share and be kind.  If it was shopping, they needed to stay close to me or in the shopping cart, and be patient while I browsed or grocery shopped. I was setting us all up for failure. My intense desire for them to do what I expected mixed with their small age and continual need to be trained, equaled disaster.

My kids would quickly get tired and start to misbehave. I would get frustrated. They would start fussing. I would get angry. I would also become keenly aware of what other people were 'thinking' about my mommy situation. And instead of properly training my children by giving them appropriate consequences, I would plead with them to stop or threaten to spank without following through. I wasn't properly training or disciplining them, and it was all in the name of 'fun' or 'me time' or 'learning time'.

We would leave the event completely exasperated and worn thin. I would yell and drive, lecturing them all the way home. They would cry. I would cry.

A total nightmare.

Then the next day, I'd do it again, expecting something different to happen. I'd tell myself, "Maybe Sarah just had a bad day yesterday." Or "Andrew is just teething. He'll be fine today."

Here is what began to happen. Over time, I noticed my kids getting more and more unruly. They learned they could get away with more disobedience when we went on our outings. Week after week, our behavior issues got worse.

That's when, by the grace of God, my mentor recognized our dangerous pattern and spoke truth to me. 'Stop' she told me. 'Training your kids consistently, in love, is more important that all that going.'

So I did. I stopped all the going.

Over time, their behavior issues disappeared. Why? Because I was home, all the time, teaching, training, and disciplining them in the way they should go, as Proverbs says. I was able to be loving and consistent. And those much needed boundaries created safety, love and order for my out of control children.

If I needed to go out, I'd run the necessary errands quickly. I'd plan for multiple errands to be run in one day so that the other days were planned 'stay home' days. On our errand day, I'd explain the rules and the consequences if the rules were broken. I would carry a wooden spoon in my purse to use for spanks, if the rules were broken. I would mentally prepare to have to step out to discipline my kids, if needed. And I focused on the task of consistently training them while we were out, as much as I did at our home.

Fast forward to now. I have 4 kids. And I homeschool them. So they are always with me. Stuff has to get done. Oil has to be changed in the car. Groceries have to be bought. And occasionally we go to the library, park or a play date. I go at the most ideal time for my children, with a list (if it's the store) and a wooden spoon, always ready to train my sweet babies. And when our schedule gets too busy, I clear the calendar and get back to the basics!

Look Deep

My hubby sent me this quote today by a scholar, John Owen:

"The person who understands the evil in his own heart is the only person who is useful, fruitful, and solid in his beliefs and obedience. Others only delude themselves and thus upset families, churches, and all other relationships. In their self-pride and judgment of others, they show great inconsistency."

Humility comes when we recognize, dig deep and embrace the truth of who we are. We are nothing. Filthy rags. Evil. Empty. Broken. Sinful, beyond our recognition. And the only thing good in us is Jesus, if in fact we've asked for His forgiveness and asked Him to be Lord of our lives. And even with Christ in us, we have to continually remember that we are still absolutely nothing; He is the only thing good in us. And anything good that comes out of us is only the fruit of the Holy Spirit, not because of something we've done. So we bow down before our saving, forgiving Lord.  Continually recognizing who we really are, keeps us in this humble position.

James 4:6-10 holds the key to humility.
But He gives greater grace. Therefore He says:

      God resists the proud,
      but gives grace to the humble.^[e]

⁷ Therefore, submit to God. But resist the Devil, and he will flee from you. ⁸ Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, sinners, and purify your hearts, double-minded people! ⁹ Be miserable and mourn and weep. Your laughter must change to mourning and your joy to sorrow. ¹⁰ Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will exalt you.

Do you see what God writes for us? God, through James, tells us that He resists us if we are proud, but gives grace to the humble. And our Precious, Saving Father lays out the humility blueprints for us to follow...

                 Submit to God

                 Resist the Devil

                 Draw near to God

                 Cleanse our hands... recognizing our sinful actions

                 Purify our hearts...recognizing we are double-minded (sin of heart and mind)

                 Be miserable and mourn and weep...over recognizing who we really are and what we've    

                              really done

                 Change our laughter to mourning, our joy to sorrow....brokenness and grief over sin

                 Humble ourselves before the Lord

Then, He exalts us. Hear that? He exalts us! ...To be exalted by the Father... can anyone really describe this?!!

 

These Truths apply to every. single. follower of Jesus. So for us to think for a moment that: 'we've got our pride under control' or 'have the pride problem beat' or 'don't have day-in and day-out sin issues', we are deceiving ourselves.

 

Lets look deep and as Owen writes, 'understand the evil in his own heart' so that we can '...walk humbly with our God' (Micah 6:8) and enjoy the wonderful exaltation of walking rightly with our Father!

 

Psalm 25:9 He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way.
2 Chronicles 7:14 if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.
Psalm 18:27 For you save a humble people, but the haughty eyes you bring down.

                

                                        

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Very Hungry Caterpillar

Last week the kids were out in the yard playing. Ellie came running inside to tell me they'd found a wiggly creature in the yard. "Hurry fast, come see!" she yelled.

Concerned that the creature was a snake, I ran!

When I arrived at the huddle of kids, I soon realized that the creature wasn't a snake, but a caterpillar. A cute, little caterpillar. I knew he was safe to handle, so I picked him up to show the kids. Each one held him and felt the tickle of his little legs.

The bug crawled and crawled and crawled. Up and down the arms of my children. Over fingers and hands. The kids laughed and joked that he was running, yet going no where!

Then Sarah decided it would be a great idea to try to feed him. So she grabbed a leaf off the ground and put it near his head. Would you believe that he started munching?  Apparently all that exercise  had burned off some calories! And the leaf was a perfectly timed delicacy, because he munched away. We could HEAR his munching! Amazing! Well this idea caught on quickly and each one of my kids tried to feed the bug. But he must have had his fill of leaf because he turned his head up (literally) to their offers!

Homeschooling is so fun! Weekly, God sends an 'out of the blue' science experiment straight to our backyard. And my kids LOVE it! We talk about how much God loves to bless us with such cool nature experiences!

Hey everyone, I wanted to let you know that we are having computer problems and I still cannot add pictures to my blog. I have tried many different things and nothing works. I will keep trying!

A Lesson From My Pantry

At 10 AM everyday we have snack time. This morning, however, the time got away from me and my littlest one reminded me that he was hungry. As I opened the pantry door, he ran over, grabbed a box of cereal and said "I want this."

The cereal is the only food in our pantry that Eli can see. Everything else is above his head.

Now first of all, we don't eat cereal for snacktime. And second, I had a really yummy snack brewing in my mind - a snack with a sweet little M&M surprise in it. My kids didn't know this. And so they were asking me for what they could see. But what I had in mind far exceeded their little hopes.

By now you probably see where I'm going with this.

Isn't this what we do as God's children? We see a 'need' and so we go to the pantry and look around at the shelf on the first level. It's what we can see. Sure there are some things on that shelf that would potentially solve our 'hunger' problems. Then we proceed to ask God for the things on that shelf because it's what we see with our eyes. And we assume it's best for us.

However, there are shelves and shelves and shelves and shelves far above our heads that go miles and miles up.  And those shelves are full of amazing blessings and gifts that far exceed our hopes and dreams. They are things that we could never imagine because our brains can't begin to fathom how wonderful they are.

So if we are praying and praying for something, and God hasn't answered our prayers in the ways we are asking, we can know that He has something on one of those shelves high up that you or I can't see or imagine.
Trust that He always gives us what is good and best for us. Psalm 84:11 says, "For the LORD God is a sun and shield; The LORD gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly". I love this verse. We can trust that if we have it, it's what's best. But if we don't have it, it's not what's best!
In His perfect timing, He will give us what we need. Philippians 4:19 says, "And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus."  All. Our. Needs. Also check our Matthew chapter 6...very good.
God loves to bless His children with what's good and perfect for us. James 1:17 says "Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow."  Many times what we ask for isn't whats good or perfect for us, it's just a temporary fix for our difficult circumstances.

I am so grateful for my pantry! What a great reminder God has given me from it! Just a few feet away I have this verse hanging on the wall...  "For My Thoughts are not your thoughts, and your ways are not My ways." This is the Lord's declaration. "For as heaven is higher than earth, so My ways are higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

Here are some other really awesome verses:
Provers 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight."

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20

An Answered Prayer

OK, so before I tell you what it is, I have to tell you the story. I love telling stories, and sometimes I'm long winded. This is one of those times! So if you have a few minutes to spare...

Roll back 10 years ago. Bryan and I took a ministry position in Florida as houseparents. We were pregnant with our first daughter and very excited to finally step foot in ministry. What unfolded over the next year was a very difficult time for our 3 year old marriage. And when we left that ministry, a year later, our marriage was in a bad place and we were broken hearted. Ministry wasn't what it was all chalked up to be and it had about done us in! We lived with our family for a few months until we could figure out where to go and eventually landed in seminary housing with a new baby, a marriage on the rocks, me in a full time job and Bryan back in school.

Along with the emotional strain of fighting for our marriage, there was also a physical strain. I was commuting 1 1/2 hours one way to work a 12 hour shift, 3-4 days a week, then coming home, and rolling right into housewife duties. Slowly the stress began to take its toll on my body. I miscarried 2 babies in a 3 month span. Bryan was working at a restaurant making peanuts for an income. One night he said "I want you to quit your job. I've prayed about it and I think it's what's best."

So I did. Sounds crazy, yes? Most of the time God's ways don't make sense. Not only was that a huge step forward in our marriage (me trusting my husband's leadership), but it was a huge step forward in our faith.

Here's how. By being obedient to my husband's direction for us, God began to switch our roles around. Before, I was (honestly) running the show and leading our family. And Bryan was playing the submission role. Not good. What that moment did for us was pivotal. It immediately put us on the right path for our God designed places in our marriage. It also put Bryan in a place where he began to carry to full weight of providing for us. He was leading and I was his right hand woman! Slowly our marriage began healing. (This was also the time that God put me with my mentor who really began teaching me what Biblical submission looked like. This was a huge part of the healing process of our marriage.)

Bryan got another job soon after. I got pregnant again. (And again. And later, again!!!) We didn't make a whole lot of money, but we watched God provide over and over and over for all of our needs and many of our wants. Many times Bryan would be out of work on Friday and by Monday, he would have another job (he was a subcontractor). I prayed for a good, steady job with benefits. But God kept that door shut.

Then in 2009, God moved us to Texas. The home remodeling economy was dying in NC and we had to go where there was work. Bryan started his contracting business. And then began the ebb and flow of owning a business.

Friends, can I just share something with you?

The next 3 years weren't easy. Bryan's business survived on word of mouth and sometimes we would go months without work, barely making it. There were a few times where we thought we'd face homelessness. A few times where we didn't know what would happen to us. I can't tell you how many times I cried out to God "This is too painful. I don't think we can keep going on." Many times God was silent. But He always always always provided and He always always always comforted us. We were never without food, power, running water, or gas in the vehicles. We had our last baby without health insurance and somehow walked away from the hospital debt free. Many times, people gave to us: clothes, food, money. One friend treated me to a hair cut a few times. It wasn't easy accepting help. But, wow, we were so grateful for it. The reality of our lives was that we never ever knew how we would get through the next month. Bryan applied for countless jobs, went to many interviews. Sometimes it would look very promising and then would fall through. God kept saying "Hope in me." And He kept gently reminding me that whether a job ever came through, He was our provider. I wished I could say I had tons of faith. But I'd be lying.

I prayed continually for my husband to get a job (knowing that He would only give Bryan a job if it was for our best). Prayed continually. Like even at 2am, 3am. Some of you prayed too. For Christmas last year, I asked God to give him a job. "This is what I want for Christmas Lord."

...and a week ago, after many years on a difficult journey, my husband got a job.  It's a good job too and we are so thankful for it. But even more, we are beyond words thankful that God carried us through these last years of our life. Because most days, I could barely stand, much less walk. He carried us. And His grace was sufficient for us and His power was made perfect in our weakness. (2 Cor. 12:9)

The chapter is closed and we have begun a new chapter - one of learning discipline in some areas we couldn't really ever be consistent (like financial planning). We are pressing onward, thanking God continually for what He has done, knowing that if Bryan ever gets injured, sick, or what not, God will take care of us. He is our hope when everything seems hopeless. And that never changes.

A Lonely Heart

This past week I was cleaning out my bedside table. I came across a journal from 12/30/2008 - 9/05/2009. I was super curious to see what I had written... (I love reading my old journals because I usually can't remember what I wrote and so it seems like I'm reading someone else's journal!). Anyway, to recap that time in my life, we had just spent our first Christmas in Texas after leaving North Carolina on, what we thought, was a short term work situation for my husband. Over those 9  months, God did some amazing things for us. We sold our home in a downed housing market in barely 4 weeks and simultaneously found a nice, reasonably priced rental home in a great neighborhood. But we were also really praying for friendships because we had just left all our wonderful NC friends and family, and we were really lonely.

6/5/2009
Bryan and I talked last night and we agreed that we feel alone - no friends. We wondered if its alot like what missionaries feel like.  I catch myself searching for something to do. I also catch myself desiring to fill the lonliness - with shopping, TV, a new hobby. I know that God fills the void - He is sufficient for all my needs. And maybe that is what He is showing us.

6/25
It has been tough - emotionally - being here. I miss Louise (my mentor) so much - miss our coffee together, being able to unload. I miss going to Sarah's (my best friend) house and just chatting. I took a walk yesterday and had to tell myself "Jesus, you are my best friend." And then I'd picture Him right next to me, walking.  And I talked to Him.

6/26
Jesus, I know you are all I need. Thank you for giving me the Holy Spirit - HELP ME communicate with you.  Even if I don't do it well, just to know that you will interpret for me. Help me be a loving momma and wife. Help me die to myself. I struggle with that so much.

6/28
...God has plummeted me to a period in my life that couldn't be more characteristic of lonliness. Lonlieness - having no friends here who challenge, inspire, rebuke, encourage. ...

What followed after was many many months of a sheer, painful valley of lonliness. I struggled to understand how something so painful like leaving everything we knew and loved, could possibly be good for us. I desperately longed for someone to relate too. And although there were a few people that God brought into our lives, it was usually just for short periods of time.

Now fast forward to January 18, 2013. I'm cleaning out the bedside table and I find the journal. I opened the notebook and quickly began to read it, excited to see what words I'd penned.  As I turned the pages I began to cry. I remembered the lonliness. BUT. That is a really big but (bahahaha). Seriously it is. Today as I write this blog I can say that all the longing for friendships has been taken care of. And not through people. Sure we have some great friends here, ones we love dearly, and who love us. But that lonliness was filled long before the friendships came. My lonliness was the thing that my Father used to draw me to Him, to find hope and peace in Him, to find refuge in Him. It made me search Him out and constantly seek His companionship. It was the driving force to my spiritual growth in Jesus. After I read through the pages I rejoiced! It was as if I was standing with Jesus on a small hill looking down into that dark valley. It was as if Jesus was saying "All that pain had a purpose! By my grace, I allowed it - because it was best for you! You and I are so much closer now because of the pain and heartache. Do you see who you were then and who you are now? Look how much more like me you've become."

I can't describe to you the joy in my heart. It was the first time He'd ever shown me the fruit of longsuffering in my own life. I felt so close to the God who saved me and who is constantly changing me and molding my sinful heart into a heart like Jesus'.

1 Peter 5:10 says "After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you." NASB

Resolutions

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year holiday! We spent ours with family and friends and it was very very blessed... I'm curious to know if you made New Year's Resolutions!? Here is mine (I'm sharing it with you and giving you permission to pop over to my blog and ask me if I'm still doing what I resolved to do!...) which is: Spend time with God every day. I have to admit that over the last few years I've gotten a little complacent in doing my quiet times. I know, thankfully, that God's love for me doesn't change because of this. But the fellowship with Him sure does! So as 2013 fast approached, I began to seek the Lord on what He would want my resolution to be. He said "To spend time with Me daily."

Today is Day 6, of course. And although I haven't spent time with the Lord every morning (which is my most favorite time of the day to read the Bible and pray), I am spending time with God at some time each day. And that time with Him is growing sweeter by the day! I find myself longing to be with Him, listening to voice that calms my soul, sharing the things in my heart and mind.

So what is your resolution? Do share...!

I would absolutely love to pray for you in your 365 day endeavor to succeed in your resolutions. Please let me know if and how I can pray for you.

One helpful thing to remember: Today is the only day we are accountable for. Not tomorrow, or 10 days from now, or next month. Just today. So take your goals one day at a time and worry with tomorrows stuff tomorrow!

I love you!

-- Jamie